What to Do When You Don’t Trust Your Partner

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We are all born with the capacity to trust. The amount of trust we put in a person is often determined by how much confidence we have in our ability to judge another person’s reliability and intentions. It’s also more than looking for signs a partner has been unfaithful because we must also believe the personwe love the most has our best interests at heart.

Not being able to trust someone can be frustrating at best and scary at worst. Whether you’re feeling insecure about your partner’s devotion to you, you think they won’t keep their promises, or you lack confidence in your ability to make sound judgments, the following strategies should help you feel more confident in your relationship.

Determine if Your Suspicions are Grounded

Every relationship sails through troubled waters now and then when circumstances cause you to suspect things about your partner. The first thing to do is determine if your suspicions affect the viability of your relationship.

Do you know if your suspicions are valid? If so, what do your doubts say about your relationship, and how will you feel if you find out they are true? Does your suspicion put your partner’s character into question?

Weigh up the benefits of knowing versus not knowing to determine your next steps because what you do next could influence the relationship in unpredictable ways.

Be Honest About Your Sense of Mistrust

It’s essential to get to the root of your mistrust with some deep introspection. For example, is your fear of abandonment clouding your judgement or altering your perspective to the point where you may be overreacting to your partner’s behaviour.

What about your past? Previous relationships and past betrayals could be influencing your mistrust. Consider whether the insecurity comes from something happening now or from a past traumatic experience.

Trust Your Instincts

If there are obvious red flags, it’s not in the relationship’s best interests to ignore them. Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability and ask your partner for assurances when their behaviour is causing you concern.

Challenge Your Inner Dialogue

It’s one thing to trust your instincts, but it’s also wise to question them.  Ask yourself from where your lack of trust originates. Is it because of something you have seen and heard, or is it because of your insecurities or lack of confidence in your judgement?

Get Both Sides of the Story

You have your side of the story, so it’s only fair you give your partner the option to tell their version. Unless you have solid evidence your partner is holding the truth from you, keep your faith in them and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Get Help if You Need it?

Professional relationship counselling is not just for couples. If you have doubts about your relationship and would like some help navigating your thoughts and feelings, a professionally trained relationship counsellor can make the perfect sounding board, with or without your partner.


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