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How to Save a Marriage After an Affair

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How to Save a Marriage After an Affair: Most couples will voice their distaste for infidelity, but the statistics show that around 25% of men and 15% of women have played the field outside of their marriage. The numbers are even higher for non-physical affairs that are purely emotional.

In most cases, an extramarital affair destroys a marriage, but that does not mean there is no hope for reconciliation. Here’s how to save your marriage after an affair.

1. Get Professional Help

Recovering a marriage after an affair is not going to be easy. For this reason, help from a professional marriage counsellor is highly recommended. Infidelity is incredibly personal so choose a marriage counsellor with training and experience in this area. Otherwise, you may find yourself getting some unsound advice that can put your marriage in even more jeopardy.

2. Make Amends

When you are the one who had an affair, you should be prepared to make amends for your betrayal without justifying your actions, making excuses, or getting defensive. Your motivation for the affair doesn’t matter because you are the one who made that choice, and your partner needs to see you take full responsibility.

3. Get the Affair out in the Open

You will hear well-meaning but poor advice that an affair should not be discussed – it happened, it’s in the past, move on. This advice is not conducive to repairing the marriage. It might be painful, but talking about the affair and getting everything out in the open is the best way to get past the pain and feelings of betrayal.

Allow the betrayed partner some time to ask questions and get some understanding of why the affair happened. The only questions off-limits are ones related to specific sexual acts. Victims of an affair often experience mental health challenges like PTSD, mood swings, and anxiety. Hearing about specific sexual acts can make these symptoms much worse.

4. Be Open and Transparent

The perpetrator of the affair must be prepared to be completely open and honest. This means that the partner who had an affair must be willing to answer questions about their whereabouts and if there is to be any unavoidable contact with the affair partner – if they are a work colleague, for example.

If you are the betraying partner you should be willing to have your phone, email accounts, and GPS routes examined. The betrayed partner will be on the lookout for further signs of betrayal, and open and honest communication is the best way to restore their trust, but it will take time.

5. Find out What Went Wrong

Knowing the motivation for the affair is critical to avoid any further risks to the relationship. The betrayed partner needs to feel secure in the relationship and confident that no other infidelities will occur. Each partner must understand how they contributed to the conditions in the relationship that caused the affair without blame to ensure that history does not repeat itself.

6. Make the Consequences of a Repeat Offence Clear

The betraying partner should know that any more betrayals will be the last straw and the end of the relationship. This is a tough conversation to have but necessary for repairing the relationship.

7. Learn to Forgive and Start Rebuilding

There’s still more work to be done once you understand what caused the affair because you need to do things differently this time around. Start communicating and attuning yourself to your partner’s feelings and learn how to deal with conflict constructively. When you connect emotionally, you can start the process of forgiveness and repairing the rift.

Better Marriage is the best place to learn everything you need to know about saving your marriage. We will tell you how to keep your marriage alive and well. Read More about Save My Marriage At Better Marriage 

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