So, how do you follow the no contact rule to win your wife back?
Hi, I’m Cody Butler, a marriage coach, consultant, and founder of Better Marriage. I help men to win their wives back, even if their wives are completely non-responsive right now and have said that they want out of the relationship, want a divorce, or are not willing to participate.
So, the topic today is how do you follow the no contact rule if you separated from your wife. And a better question really is, should you be following the no contact rule? Now, this is a fairly complex answer. The answer to the question is no, you shouldn’t be following the no contact rule in a marriage situation. I don’t agree with that. But you should be following the smart contact rule.
Now, I’m going to give credit to that term, but I believe it’s from Marriage Helper, the Marriage Helper YouTube channel, where I heard it first. I think it’s a great way of describing how this works. It’s smart contact with your wife, not no contact with your wife. Yes, if your wife has left you, there should definitely be a very limited amount and a much-reduced amount of contact with you.
Now, let me explain to you the psychology behind how the smart contact rules work. Then, you can understand how to apply and deploy it in your situation and how to get the maximum benefit from it
Let me start by saying that a large number of couples go through divorce simply because they don’t understand the consequences of divorce. They don’t realize the reality of divorce in terms of loneliness, separation, and the emotional toll it takes. It’s only after the divorce has happened or gone too far that they realize they would have been better off staying and working out their differences. Staying is often easier than going.
Now, let’s talk about the smart contact rule.
We don’t want to remove the consequences of separation or divorce from our partner. If your wife has left you and moved out, you should not always be there for her, texting her all the time or going around to see her. Even if she’s open to it, it’s not a good idea. This is a common question I get from men in our “Win Your Wife Back Program.” They ask if their wife’s request for them to come over for the weekend or have a coffee means she’s reconciling or ready to come back. The answer is no, absolutely not. By being always available, you’re allowing her to have all the benefits of being married while pursuing a divorce. She’s not understanding the consequences of her decision, and you’re not allowing her to understand it either.
The best thing you can do for your wife if she’s separated from you is to allow her to experience what the separation is going to feel like. I guarantee it’s going to be very different from what she thinks. Meanwhile, employ other strategies to win her back into the relationship when you have limited contact with her.
In a dating situation, the no-contact rule can work, but we’re talking about marriage here, a grown-up commitment to each other. So, for a marriage situation, you don’t want to do the no-contact rule; instead, you want to do the smart contact rule. You are there for your wife if she absolutely needs you for safety and well-being, but not for emotional needs. She should not use you as a crutch to get through this separation period until she moves into another environment or another person.
If you want to learn more about no-contact and smart contact rules, what to do if your wife is giving you very limited contact, please hit the subscribe button below. I put out videos on these topics every single week. If you want me to talk about a specific topic, leave a comment, and I’ll make a video just for you. Please give us a like; it helps us get the word out.
If you want to learn more about how we can help you win your wife back in eight weeks or less, even if your wife has checked out of the relationship, please check the link in the description. It’s completely free to get that information; you don’t even need to give your email address.
I hope this was helpful. God bless you.
