So, your partner or spouse wants a divorce and you don’t want it. What do you do? Hey, Cody Butler here, marriage coach and founder of Better Marriage. Today, we’re going to talk about what to do if your partner is asking for a divorce and you don’t want it. Well, there are three things that I’m going to share with you that will help you turn that situation around.
The first piece of advice, the first tip, is to agree with your partner. That will interrupt their pattern and shock them. The chances are, if they’re asking for a divorce or checking out of the relationship, there hasn’t been much agreement going on. They’re expecting a fight, the same old patterns. So, you need to change that. The easiest way to do that is to agree with them. Agree that they have every right to a divorce.
Agree that a divorce is probably in their best interest. Agree with them that this is probably the right thing for them to do. That will shock them and get them out of their mental patterns, giving you a chance to communicate with them in a way they’ll actually hear.
Now, step two. Once you’ve agreed with them that a divorce is probably a good idea for them, it’s time to confess what’s going on. Confess your wrongdoings in the marriage and what is causing them pain. Confess it, own up to it, and take ownership of it.
Because, again, that probably hasn’t been happening. One of the frustrations and reasons why they want to leave is because they feel you’re not owning up to the problems in the relationship or acknowledging them. When you don’t acknowledge the problems, there’s no hope for them to be changed.
So, step number two is to take ownership of the problems, confess them, and say, “Hey, look, I understand this is a problem, and I want to do something about it.”
Which leads to step number three, ask for help. Ask for your partner’s help in correcting the problems. Once you’ve confessed the problem and said, “Hey, you have every right to ask for a divorce, and I understand that. The problem is this, this, this, and this,” step number three is to say, “Okay, I need your help solving these problems. I really want help with these issues, whatever they are. Maybe it’s anger, drug or alcohol issues, or other things in the relationship. But whatever it is, confess it and ask for help. Say, ‘Please, can you help me with this? I want to change. I want to save this relationship, and I’m willing to make those changes. I need your help.'”
If you can follow these three steps, there’s a chance, a possibility, that your partner will stay in the relationship because you’re providing hope. People leave relationships when hope is lost. Inject some hope back into the relationship.
