Hey, Cody here, and I want to talk to you about the real root cause of why your marriage is failing, why your relationship is not where you want it to be, and how to fix that. If you understand this, you can’t go wrong, and if you get this wrong, you’re never going to go right. If you don’t understand what I’m about to share with you, then it doesn’t matter tips, tricks, tactics, strategies, skills, they’re not going to help you. Nothing is going to help you until you understand what is driving you, what is the core reason for the success or for the failure in your marriage.
It’s a core underlying belief that you’re probably not even aware of. Let me show this to you through my own story because once you get this, transformation happens instantly. It’s a miraculous experience where everything that was going wrong just stops going wrong, and it starts going right. It’s a core underlying belief that’s driving this.
Now, what is a belief?
Before we go into this, a belief is just an idea that you hold to be true or you believe to be true. A belief is neither true nor false; it’s just something that you believe to be true. So, let me show you my story without further ado.
In my life, everything was going wrong. I really wanted nice things, a nice relationship, best friends, a nice house, a nice car, nice everything, but I just couldn’t keep it. I could get it, but I couldn’t keep it. I had a business, and it would fail. I’d make a lot of money, then it would fail. I’d get a really nice car, and I’d end up wrecking it. I’d do something to wreck it, or trash it, or just sell it and trade it in for a banger. I’d get into a relationship with an awesome person, and I’d just self-sabotage and ruin it. No matter what I did, I couldn’t keep the things that I really, really wanted, the nice things.
When I went through this process myself and started to uncover the core beliefs that were driving me, I had to go back to when I was six years old. When I was six, we lived in a small little village, and I walked home from school. My dad came home from work the same way that I walked home from school. I was in the house one day, and my dad walked into the house with a glove, and it was one of my gloves. It had fallen out of my pocket on the way home from school. My dad asked me, “Is this glove yours, Cody?” And I said, “Yes.” And he said, “Guess where I found it.” I said, “I don’t know.” Because it was on the side of the road up there, it fell out of your pocket. You’re careless. I’m like, “Okay.” And he goes, “You just don’t deserve nice things.”
He didn’t say that thinking it would wreck the rest of my life. He said it because he was doing the best he could do as a father, but he didn’t understand that as a six-year-old, I was going to internalize that and let that dictate the rest of my life. Or at least up to the point where I became conscious of it. “You don’t deserve nice things” went into my head. I internalized that as a belief that I held to be true. From that point on, believing that I don’t deserve nice things and that now being the operating system that is controlling every aspect of my life, I sabotage everything that’s nice.
I want a nice business that produces a lot of money. I get it, I sabotage it. I want the car, I get it, I sabotage it. I get the relationship, I get it, I sabotage it. I get nice clothes and what happens to them? I just treat them trashy and they’re trashed in no time at all. Why? Because deep down inside my core underlying belief is that ‘Cody, you don’t deserve nice things,’ and I’m gonna make that true in every situation.
So hopefully, you can see it doesn’t matter what marriage skills I got, it doesn’t matter what business skills I got, it doesn’t matter what financial management skills I get. It doesn’t matter; the skills are absolutely irrelevant until the core underlying issue of ‘I don’t think that I deserve nice things’ is addressed. I believe it’s not even ‘I don’t think,’ I believe that I don’t deserve nice things. None of those skills are going to do any good for me whatsoever.
A lot of times in the marriage situation, people come to me saying, ‘give me the skills, give me the conversation, give me the strategies, give me the I’m ready to learn, I’m ready to learn.’ It’s like none of those things are going to help you until we get to the core of the issue. What is driving you? Your marriage is failing for a reason. And look, I’m here to tell you if you’re saying, ‘I’m perfect and it’s all my partner’s fault,’ then I can’t help you right now. I’ve worked with people like that, and if you don’t accept some responsibility for your marriage, then I really can’t help you.
But if you’re at a point going, ‘my marriage is not working, and I don’t know why it’s not working. I want it to work, I just keep hitting that stupid button over and over and over again, and I don’t know why,’ I’m telling you, this is why. At some point in your past, someone gave you a belief, a bs belief that isn’t true, and it’s running you right now.
Now, think about it and put it in the comments. When I get done with this video, I’m going to write in the comments, ‘I was told I don’t deserve nice things, and it’s not true.’ At some point in your life, at least once and probably many times, you’ve been told something. Maybe it’s like, ‘you’ll never be anything, you’ll never amount to anything. Why can’t you be like your brother? You’re slow, you’re dumb, you’re stupid.’ It could be well-meaning people, or it could be vicious people, it doesn’t matter. But a lot of times, we’re given these things as children, we don’t have the emotional intelligence to process these properly.
That’s BS projected, that’s BS rejected. I did not have the ability as a six-year-old when my dad said, ‘you don’t deserve nice things,’ to go, ‘is that true, or is he just saying that because he’s, uh, whatever he is, he’s running his operating system.’ I didn’t have the ability to do that. All I could do was accept it, and then as a 30-year-old, as a 40-year-old, I am now running on a belief system. I’ve got a worldview that was formed as a six-year-old, and I’m running my life through the eyes of a six-year-old. And then we wonder why everything’s falling apart, right?
It’s because we’re operating from an operating system that was instilled as a very young child. We’re running on belief systems that were instilled when we were very young, and we did not have the emotional or intellectual skills to evaluate what we were being told and determine if it was true or not. When we were told something, we simply internalized it, and to us, it became true. Now, every action in our life is going to make that true. If you believe that you don’t deserve a good relationship, it doesn’t matter how many skills I give you, my friend, it doesn’t matter how many skills you get, you’re going to sabotage it. It’s like saying these spots on my face are causing measles. That’s what it’s like. It’s the measles that are causing the spots. If we can get to the core route of what’s causing the measles, the spots will go away. Spots on your face do not cause measles, and that’s how most people approach the marriage restoration process. It’s why I don’t like the traditional therapy process because it just takes too long. Once we get to the root cause of what is causing the problem, we can rip that out.
Once I uncovered that, once I was able to do the work, it took me about 10 minutes to get to the root cause and regress to the point where I understood my father told me that in love, and I have nothing against my father. He had no idea what he was doing or what he was saying, and he said that purely out of love. I’m sure I was able to rip that out and replace that with, “I do deserve nice things. My family deserves nice things. People around me deserve nice things.” And now, everything I do produces nice things. This is what we’re going to do in the five-day retreat. If you haven’t registered for that, there’s a link somewhere. Make sure you register because we’re going to do some deep work here. This is not just going to be your standard “hey, I’ve read a few books on how to do marriage coaching and stuff, and we’re going to talk about love languages and we’re going to talk about men are from women and Mars and all that kind of stuff.” No, we’re going to go deep.
We’re going to do some deep work, and we’re going to find out what the root cause is that’s causing you problems in your relationship, and we’re going to rip that out and replace it with a supportive belief that you, as an adult, decide. You can choose to believe anything. You can choose to believe you’re not worthy, or you can choose to believe you’re worthy. You can choose to believe you don’t deserve a marriage, or you can choose to believe you deserve a marriage. As an adult, we have the ability to make that decision, and a lot of times when we’re given these operating systems, we’re giving them when we do not have the ability to make the decision.
This can change quickly, my friends. This can change quickly. This is why I say your marriage can turn around in a second. Now, once we’ve uncovered that root, yes, of course, now we can start to build the skills. Once we’ve uncovered the problem that “I don’t deserve nice stuff,” and I’ve ripped that out, now, of course, I need communication skills, marriage skills, interpersonal skills, I need to learn how to interact with women successfully. I need to learn to talk and meet my wife’s needs successfully. I still need those skills, but they’re secondary to uncovering the core belief.
If you registered for this five-day retreat workshop, please show up because this is the kind of material we’ll cover. We’ll go deep and help you understand why you do the things you do, instead of just offering a band-aid solution. For example, if you have spots on your face, I won’t just give you some cream to stop the itching and say you have measles. Instead, we’ll find and rip out the root of the problem. I promise to give you the tools to uncover those deep-seated beliefs, which can take a long time to discover. We’ll provide you with special tools and skills to uncover them, and then we’ll go really deep to help you. When I work one-on-one with people, we can usually find the root cause of the problem within five to ten minutes, and that’s when we rip it out and replace it. Then the next chapter of your life will begin, and it’ll be the greatest comeback in history.
Take out a piece of paper and write down: “The next chapter of my life has begun.” It’s going to be surrounded by nice things, and that’s my promise. I hope this helps someone, and if you haven’t registered yet, there’s a link somewhere. Please write in the comments what you were told that wasn’t true and write down “it’s not true” now. For example, I was told that I don’t deserve nice things, but it’s not true. God bless you, and I’ll talk to you soon.
