Hey, Cody here from Better Marriage: How long does it take to restore a marriage?
Hey, so all the time, I get asked the question in coaching sessions: How long is it going to take to restore my marriage? How long does it take to save a marriage? And the simple answer to that question is: It takes the snap of a finger. It’s simply the snap of a finger, that’s all it is because saving a marriage is nothing more than a decision. It’s a decision, that’s all it is. You decide.
Now, this is assuming that both parties are in agreement that the marriage is to be saved and both are committed to each other and to saving the marriage. It’s nothing more than a decision. You decide that you’re going to do what you need to do.
You’re going to do whatever it takes. If both parties say, “I will do whatever it takes to save this marriage. I will sacrifice myself for this marriage. I will give myself to this marriage, and I will do whatever it takes for this marriage,” then at that point, the marriage has been saved.
Now, if the question is how long does it take to restore the marriage to the dating stage, where you have all these giddy feelings and all of the infatuation and stuff like that, well, that’s a different story. That’s going to take a little bit longer, right? But the question is how long does it take to save a marriage? You can bring your marriage back to solid ground, to the place where the marriage is secure, instantaneously because it’s simply a decision.
If both parties will commit to each other, if both combiners will take responsibility for their own behavior within the marriage and say, “I recognize that what we are doing individually and what we’re doing as a couple doesn’t work, and I’m willing to work on myself to change to where the behavior within the marriage changes,” and both parties are willing to work on themselves harder than they work on the marriage because here’s the secret, right, to saving a marriage, it’s not about working on the marriage, it’s about working on yourself.
For your marriage to change, you have to change. You can’t continue to do the same thing that you’ve done and expect to get a different result. If you behave how you’ve always behaved, you’re going to get the same marriage you’ve always had. Both parties, husband and wife, have to be willing to work on themselves and to change because for your marriage to change, you have to change.
And it starts with, I tell people all the time, “What do I need to work on? What do I need to change?” Change anything. If your marriage is not working right now, change anything. Get up earlier, go to bed later, change your diet, change what you watch on TV. I don’t care, anything at all, just change something because if you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’re going to get what you’ve always got.
If you change one thing, if you just change from Netflix to Amazon Prime, if you change from beer to wine, if you change from whiskey to tequila, I don’t care. When you make a change, when you do things differently, you’re going to get a different result in your marriage. You’ve got to change for things to change, and if you’re willing to change, then your marriage can change.
And if you’re open to success formulas, if you’re open to studying what it is that works, if you’re open to doing what it is that it’s known that changes marriages, then
your marriage can be rebuilt in a very different way, in a very positive way. So, how long does it take to save a marriage? It takes the snap of a finger because when two people come together and say individually, “I am willing to change for the benefit of this marriage, and I am willing to do whatever it takes for the benefit of this marriage,” that marriage has been saved, at that point, if it’s been said sincerely, honestly, and meant from the heart.
Now, if both parties or one party is not willing to change, that’s a different story. Goodness knows what the answer to the question is. But if you are willing to change, if you’re at that point where you recognize that for your marriage to change, you have to change, we can help you. I’d love to talk to you about how we can help you develop the success formulas, how we can implement that into your marriage. That’s what we do at Better Marriage.
It really helps us. Our goal here is to impact marriages in a positive way, to save marriages. I love you all, bless you all, and happy marriage.
