Hey Cody here with Better Marriage, and the question I want to address today is how to get my needs met within the marriage. Many times, women tell me that their husbands make no effort to understand or meet their needs. It has been going on for a very long time, sometimes 20 years or more. Now, here’s the good news in this situation: it’s probably not the case that your husband is intentionally ignoring or neglecting your needs. He likely wants to meet your needs and has a strong desire to be your hero, to sweep you off your feet and solve your problems.
If he’s not meeting your needs, it’s probably because he doesn’t fully understand what those needs are. I know it might sound silly because you’ve been telling him what you want all these years. However, it’s important to recognize that men and women are different, speak different languages, and have different needs.
We’re different species in a way. Often, both men and women do for their partner what they would like done for themselves. For example, my wife offers to give me a back rub, showing me what she likes and expecting me to do the same for her. But of course, I want something different, and it doesn’t always register unless I’m consciously aware of it.
Your husband is likely trying to meet your needs, but he’s doing it based on what he would want for himself. It’s not selfishness; he just doesn’t understand that what you want may be different from what he wants. He assumes that because he wants it, you would want it too. And vice versa, he may think that you’re not meeting his needs when, in fact, you’re making every effort to do so based on what you would want him to do for you.
This boils down to a basic communication issue. You need to understand how men communicate, how they think, and how they’re different from women. Likewise, he needs to understand your way of communication and thinking. The great news is that if your husband cares at all, he wants to meet your needs. It’s one of his deepest desires to be your hero, your knight in shining armor, and he knows that.
If he can meet your needs, but probably what’s happened in the relationship and what typically happens is that he’s tried to meet your needs a few times, and it’s not met with the response that he wanted to receive. It’s not met with the appreciation he expected for doing something he thought was amazing. It would have been amazing for him, but for you, it’s very small, and it hasn’t received the level of appreciation and acceptance he desires.
After this process happens two or three times, or it continues for a long period of time, eventually, the man will say to himself, “I can’t please her, I can’t meet her needs, I can’t make her happy,” which is complete nonsense. He just hasn’t received clear communication about what those needs are.
Once he understands, once you understand how to speak “man” and can communicate with him precisely about what you want, how you want it, when you want it, where you want it, and for how long, he will have a clear idea of exactly what it is.
Now, this is where a very important phrase comes in: concrete language is our friend, abstraction is our enemy. Men tend to communicate in concrete language, while women communicate in terms of abstraction, which another woman would understand immediately, but a man may feel lost.
A man needs concrete language to effectively take action. So, if we start using concrete language and clearly communicate our needs in a way that is understandable to a man, I can promise you he will go out of his way to meet them, especially when you show appreciation. He will want to do more and more because ultimately, a man just wants to be your knight in shining armor.
If you’re not seeing that in your marriage because a lot of things have happened that demoralized him, similar to how you may be demoralized as well, there probably was a time when you really wanted to go out of your way to please him, and maybe that’s not the case anymore because you didn’t get the response you were looking for.
Demoralization sets in. So, both parties want to please each other, and both parties have the ability to please each other. It’s just a lack of communication, and when we can learn how to communicate with our partner in a way that they can hear and understand, then we can know exactly what they need.
What is expected of them exactly, what is expected of them, then the needs start to get met, and the marriage starts to heal. Now, we go into all of this in a lot more detail in the Marriage Recovery Program. That’s a very simplistic overview of getting your needs met in a relationship and the basic premise of how to communicate with a man.
There are some very detailed structures that we need to explore, and there are formats that we need to follow. If we take the steps and use appropriate communication, speaking man to man, then I can promise you your needs will start to get met. It will be like a little kid getting praised.
As soon as he sees that you’re appreciative, he’s going to want to do more, and you’re going to want to do more for him. That is the start of the recovery process, getting your needs met.
That’s it for me. If you’re interested in taking your marriage to the next level, if you’re interested in restoring, repairing, and rebuilding your marriage, restoring the intimacy, the passion, the love, and communication, that’s exactly what we do in eight weeks or less, guaranteed. If not, you’ll get all your money back in the Marriage Recovery Program.
I would love to talk to you about it. Look for a link around this video, somewhere above or below the video. Click on the link to schedule a session and let’s see if this is right for you.
If you’re ready to restore your marriage, repair your marriage, heal your marriage, and grow your marriage, the Marriage Recovery Program is going to be perfect for you. It will teach you how to fill your cup, how to get your needs met, and how to communicate with your husband.
It will also get him excited about the process. I can’t wait to talk to you. Make sure you book a session with us, and I’ll talk to you in another video. God bless you.
