So, your wife is asking for a divorce and you don’t want it.
What can you do to change her mind?
Hey, Cody Bankner here, relationship coach and consultant, and founder of Better Marriage Today. I want to talk to you about what to do if your partner is asking you for a divorce, and you really don’t want it. How do you change her mind? That’s what we’re going to cover.
To understand how to solve the problem, we first have to understand what the problem really is. It’s very difficult to solve a problem if we don’t have a good grasp of why it’s occurring. So, to understand why she’s asking for a divorce, we have to go back to the very beginning of the relationship and understand why she came to you in the first place. If we can understand why she said yes, we can now start to understand why she’s saying no and what to do about it.
Fundamentally, there are two reasons and only two reasons why your wife said yes to you in the beginning of the relationship. She said yes to marrying you because one, she loved the way you made her feel, she loved how she felt around you. Two, she saw that a life with you was going to be significantly better than a life without you. These are fundamentally the only two reasons that she said yes.
Now, let’s go to the end of the relationship. If she’s asking for a divorce, if she’s saying she doesn’t want to be married to you anymore, then again, it’s these two fundamental reasons that have been flipped around. She no longer likes how you make her feel. In fact, she may hate how you make her feel, and she no longer sees a future with you as being better than a future without you. In fact, quite the opposite, and this is why she’s asking out of the relationship. It’s why she wants out.
Once we understand these two fundamental elements that it’s how she feels, which is the problem, and it’s that she doesn’t see a future with you as the problem, now we can really start to go to work on the problem. You’re going to see a lot of videos on YouTube, and you’re going to read a lot of blogs and stuff like that saying communication is the key, and no contact and all these rules about how you can get the person back, use this script, send them this text message, so on and so forth. None of that works unless you understand and go to work on the core problem.
If you want to get her back, we’ve got to change these two things. The first thing is to make her feel better around you. We need to make her feel the way that she wants to feel, and I can tell you, after working with literally thousands of men now, the way she wants to feel is heard, understood, validated, and loved. It’s creating these emotions. If she feels heard, if she feels validated, if she feels understood, seen, and loved, she is going to enjoy that feeling, and she is going to want to be around you. In the same way that if she makes you feel sexually attractive, and she gives you a lot of sex, you’re going to want to be around her, right? If she makes you feel great about yourself, if she makes you feel like a man, and she’s giving you a lot of sex, there’s no reason for you to go anywhere else. So, this is the first thing. We’ve got to start to ask ourselves if we want to turn the situation around.
Look at every communication, every interaction that comes out of your mouth, and ask yourself: Is this making her feel the way she wants to feel, or is this making her feel a way that she doesn’t want to feel? You’ll start to see that the vast majority of your interactions are conflict, tension, negative emotions, negative situations, and it’s not helping her feel the way she wants to feel. So ask yourself before you say something, do something, or act in a certain way: Is this going to make her feel the way that she wants to feel – loved, heard, understood, validated, seen, and so on?
Now the second thing is having a vision for the relationship. Having a vision for that relationship to where she sees being with you is a better option than being without you. If she’s saying she wants out, it’s because she no longer sees a vision for the relationship. There’s no marriage vision, there is nowhere for her to go in this.
It says in the Bible, ‘my people perish for lack of a vision.’ It’s not for a lack of love, for a lack of skills, for a lack of finances, for a lack of trying, or for lack of anything other than vision. It’s vision that will cause the relationship to perish. When I’m working with my ‘Get Your Wife Back’ program, one of the questions that I ask is: What is your vision for the marriage? And I’m asking you that question now. Pause this video and ask yourself the question: What is my vision for this marriage? And A) do you have one, and B) does it involve her?
You will see very quickly that A) you probably don’t have a vision for this marriage, and if you do have that vision, that vision probably involves you and only you, and there is nowhere for her to fit into that vision. If you think back again to the beginning of the relationship, you had a common vision together. You had a shared vision together of where you were going to go, what you were going to do, this life that you were going to live together, what was it going to be? And I can promise you, I can guarantee you, that if she’s leaving, it’s because that shared vision has disappeared.
Now, these are the first two things to look at in returning the situation around. Until we understand this, looking at the scripts, looking at the strategies, looking at the tactics, which you need as well, you need all of the strategies. And if you’re interested in learning about those, we still have room in our ‘Get Your Wife Back’ program. There’s some details in the description where we go into great detail and work with you personally, one-on-one, giving you the skills and creating that vision and giving you what it is that you need to really turn this situation around and to do it very, very quickly.
So make sure you check out the link in the description if you’re interested in learning more about what that is. But we have to understand that we have to make her feel or give her the communication that she needs to feel the way that she wants to feel – to feel love, cherished, nurtured, understood, seen. And she has to see a vision for the relationship. And if she’s asking out right now, it’s because both of those things are missing.
Now, there are other things to consider as well. Check out some of our other videos where I go into more detail on other aspects that need to be addressed in order to turn a relationship around. However, this is a really great starting point. If you found this content useful and would like more of it, please click the subscribe button, give us a thumbs up, and leave a comment. It really helps us to get this content out. Also, make sure to hit the notification bell so that every time we post new content (I post new content every week), you’ll get a notification with marriage-saving tips. That’s all from me. God bless you, and I’ll see you soon.
