So, how do you save a failing marriage? Hi, Cody here from Better Marriage, I want to talk to you about the first step to take in saving a marriage. If your marriage is on the brink of collapse, this is the very first thing that you need to do that will bring your marriage out of ICU and bring it to a more stable place. So, if your marriage is on the brink of collapse, it is literally in intensive care, and you’re on life support. So, we want to stabilize the marriage and bring back a little bit of hope. That is the first thing we want to do.
So, the first thing that we have to do to save the marriage is to understand what the problem is that our partner has with us in the marriage. We have to recognize that and we have to acknowledge that to our partner because, generally speaking, it’s going to be one partner more than the other that cares about the marriage, that wants to save the marriage, or one partner that’s wanting to leave more than the other.
And in order to save the marriage, in order to bring it back to a certain level of stability where the work can be done, the marriage recovery process can begin, the marriage first has to be stabilized.
And the way to do that is you have to acknowledge what the problem is. You have to acknowledge to your partner that you understand what the problem is. You have to verbalize that, and you have to show them that you’re working on a solution.
Now, you don’t have to have a solution, but what we’re looking for here, the partner who is most concerned, or both partners need to know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train.
Now, if you are not acknowledging the problem, if your partner, for example, if you’re in the position where you’re wanting to leave the relationship, let’s say because your partner has certain problems that they’re refusing to deal with or problems that are really problematic to the relationship, and they are simply refusing to even acknowledge that those problems exist, then there’s absolutely no hope for the relationship, right? That light at the end of the tunnel literally is a train, and there’s no way for you to get out of it.
So, the first thing that you need to do, the first step that you need to take to save your marriage is to acknowledge verbally to your partner in such a way. You might say something like, “Honey, I recognize that the problem in this relationship is my excessive drinking, let’s say. I recognize that the problem in this relationship is my excessive drinking.
I recognize that I understand that it’s the cause of our problems, and I’m doing my very best to work on that. I’m taking this step, this step, and this step, and I don’t necessarily have a solution yet, but I’m working on a solution. And I would love your support, and I would love your help because this marriage is valuable to me. I recognize that certain things are causing problems, and I’m working on those things right now.”
Now, that gives the other partner in the relationship, it gives them hope. It gives them hope that the light coming at the end of the tunnel is not a train, that is actually light, and there is a way out.
Because in that same situation, if the problem that’s causing all the problems in the relationship is drinking, let’s say it’s alcohol, and the person refuses to acknowledge, they’re in denial, they refuse to acknowledge that that’s the problem, then there’s absolutely no hope, right? How can the problem possibly be solved when the person causing the problems isn’t even recognizing that it’s a problem and they’re definitely not taking steps to work on it?
The first step in saving a marriage is to create hope. You need to create hope because marriages end when hope ends. When there’s no hope left, when there’s no hope of recovery, when there’s no hope of rehabilitation, that’s when marriages die, and that’s when people leave. So, you want to make sure that you put some hope into the marriage.
You do that by acknowledging the problem, verbalizing the problem, committing to work on the problem, and showing your partner that you are working on solutions. Now, if both partners do this together, it provides hope for the relationship. If Partner A says, “I understand I’m causing these problems that are upsetting you, and I’m taking these steps.
I appreciate your support,” and Partner B says, “Thank you for that. I recognize that my problems are this, and I’m taking steps directed by those problems,” now we’ve got hope.
Now, there’s still a lot of work to be done. That’s not going to save the marriage, but it is going to buy you some time. So, that’s the first step in how to save a failing marriage.
And if you want more marriage advice tips, go to our website, BetterMarriage.com, where we share with you tips, tricks, and strategies to save your marriage.
Bless you all, and I’ll talk to you soon.
