“How To Give Your Partner Space Without Losing Them”
So, your partner is asking for space in the relationship. How do you give them space without losing them? Hi, I’m Cardi Butler, a relationship coach and founder of Better Marriage. Today, I want to share with you six steps you can take if your partner is asking for space in the relationship – things you can do that will help to save the relationship.
Here’s the key: if your partner is asking for space, it’s because they want to see something different. There’s something going on in the relationship that’s suffocating them, making them feel claustrophobic, and they want to get some space from it. You’ve got to understand that behavior has to change here, the situation has to change, so to continue to do the same thing will be very detrimental. We’ve got to do some things differently.
So, where does change start? Where does changing behavior start?
#Step 1
Well, step number one, the first tip, is going to be to change your self-talk about the situation. Whatever you’re saying to yourself about the situation, whatever you’re saying to yourself about your relationship, and what you have been saying to yourself is determining how you feel, and those feelings are determining your behavior. If you start to change that internal monologue that goes on inside, and how you’re describing the situation to yourself and the meaning that you’re giving, then your behavior is going to start to change as well.
Now, like I said, if your partner is wanting some space, it’s because they want space. They’re wanting separation from the behavior that’s going on. So, step number one is going to be to change your self-talk, to change your internal dialogue, because that is going to create new behavior, and that is going to create at least a fighting chance of getting your partner to come back.
#Step 2
Step number two is to choose a different meaning. The meaning that you give to something is exclusively determined by the conversation that you have in your head about it – the internal dialogue. If you tell yourself that your partner will leave you if you don’t chase them, it will cause you to take action that may be detrimental. Instead, you need to change the meaning you give to the situation. For example, your partner may just need some space to recharge and recuperate, and everyone needs some alone time. By having positive and supportive internal dialogue, you can create a more supportive and positive meaning that may make them want to come back.
#Step 3
Step number three is to focus on what you want. You must be careful not to focus on what you don’t want, such as your partner leaving you, being with someone else, or breaking up. The more you focus on what you don’t want, the more likely it is to happen. Your internal dialogue will become unsupportive, and it will create meanings that may push your partner away. Therefore, you must change the meaning in your mind and come up with empowering meanings that will allow you to develop empowering behavior.
#Step 4
Step number four is respecting your partner’s wishes. They are moving away from certain behaviors and situations, and they need some separation and freedom. Not respecting their wishes may be one of the behaviors they need space from, and they may feel that their boundaries and personal space are not being respected.
#Step 5
If we don’t respect the fact that someone wants space, if we’re unable to change our internal dialogue about it, and if we’re not able to change the meaning of what that means, we’re going to have real problems in our relationship. They may not come back, so we’ve got to respect their wish for space. Continually asking if they want more space and when they’ve had enough space is important. This is not giving them space; it’s just the opposite and will convince and reinforce their belief that they need space permanently.
#Step 6
Step six is to try and understand why they’re asking for space. It’s important to be careful and not intrusive. If someone asks for space, the first thing we shouldn’t do is jump on them and ask why. We need to respect their request and try to understand why they want space. Sometimes poor communication or constant fighting can be the reason. In this case, we need to eliminate the fighting and develop communication skills.
While they’re away, we need to work on ourselves and continuously improve. We need to become a person they want to come back to and create an environment they want to return to.
change. Your partner needs to see that you are not bringing the same old habits and behaviors that caused the space in the first place. It could be neediness, constant fighting, poor communication, or other issues. The key is to work on yourself while your partner is taking their space. Become better, learn relationship and communication skills, and interact in a healthy and sustainable way that nurtures the relationship.
Even if your partner does not come back, you will have another relationship in the future. You don’t want the same situation to happen over and over again. Many people find themselves in the same pattern of relationships and don’t understand why. It’s not the nature of relationships; it’s the behavior that you bring to them. People respond to behavior, so if you want a different response, you must provide different behavior.
If you’re aggressive or start fights every time you communicate, your partner responds to that situation, not you personally. You need to change your behavior to show them that you’re loving, nurturing, supportive, and safe. This change takes place during the separation period, and when your partner sees it, they will be more likely to come back.
Nothing will change until you change. It’s not your partner’s job to change because they’re the one who needs space. They’re probably on the verge of checking out, so we can’t expect them to change at this point. We have to change our behavior, internal dialogue, focus, communication, and relationship skills. All of these can be worked on while your partner is having their space.
If you like this advice, please like the video, subscribe to the channel, and share it on social media. There are many people who need this content. Don’t forget to check out the free class on communication and other freebies in the description. There for you as well on how to have a better relationship all around so that’s it for me bless you all and i’ll talk to you very soon.
