So today, we’re going to cover three ways happy couples handle conflict. Hi, Cody! Here with Better Marriage, in this video, I want to talk to you about three strategies—three ways—that you can handle conflict to improve your marriage. These are three ways that happy couples handle conflict.
Now, there’s going to be conflict in your marriage or relationship. There’s no doubt about that. Whenever two people come together, there’s going to be friction and conflict. The question is not whether you’re going to have conflict; the question is when and how you’re going to handle it.
The difference between successful and happy couples, the ones who make it and have a great, long, happy marriage, and the couples who eventually separate or have a very unhappy relationship, is not whether they have conflict. It’s how they handle the conflict within their marriage.
So, I’m going to cover three ways right now. The first way is to have a plan. You need to have a set plan for when conflict arises. You can’t just get hot and emotional and try to deal with the conflict in the heat of the moment.
The higher the level of emotion, the lower the level of intelligence. When we have fights, we say things we don’t mean and end up regretting them the next day because our intelligence has gone down due to our high level of passion. So, when emotions run high, intelligence runs low.
When both partners are very emotional, there’s very little intelligence in the room, and a lot of damage can be done. Understanding this and having a plan to separate when emotions are highest and saying, “We’re not in a place to deal with this right now. Let’s come back to it when we are in a better place,” is essential. So, step number one is understanding when you’re not in a position to deal with conflict.
Step number two builds on this, and that is scheduling a time to deal with the issues. Don’t address them in the heat of the moment, and don’t force your partner to deal with them when they’re not ready.
They won’t be receptive, and their emotional levels will be high. Demanding that they deal with an issue they’re not prepared to handle will only raise the emotional levels further, making resolution difficult. So, when conflict is brewing in the relationship and you can see it coming,
Schedule a time to talk about it.
Successful, happy couples schedule time to deal with their issues. They don’t deal with them in the moment. So, go to your partner and say, “Hey, would it be possible to schedule a time with you to deal with issues X, Y, and Z?” Get to the time when you’re calm, collected, and you know you can keep the emotional levels low.
The third way to deal with problems within a marriage, to avoid conflict and resolve conflicts, is to not let the problems build up. Never let the sun set on your anger. Never let the sun set on a problem. Always deal with the problem on the same day and resolve it. At the very least, deal with it the next day.
Many times, a big problem or fight happens over a tiny issue. Looking back, it seems unnecessary. The reason for the big fight wasn’t that particular issue, but a lot of unresolved smaller issues. When you have 10 small issues left unresolved, they grow into one big issue. Eventually, those suppressed and repressed emotions will come out. So, a seemingly small trigger can ignite a big fight.
To prevent this, get into the habit of resolving your problems every single day. Create communication within the marriage that allows a safe environment for issues to be expressed and discussed. This way, suppression and pushing the issues down won’t be necessary, as the problems will be addressed regularly.
What are some ways you deal with conflict successfully in your relationship? Leave a comment below and let us know your thoughts. Also, which one of my three ways do you think is the best? Share your opinion in the comments.
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