So, your wife wants out of the marriage and you want to win her back. Well, I’m going to provide you with six steps that can help you achieve that.
Hello, this is Cody Butler, a marriage coach and founder of Better Marriage. We specialize in aiding men to win their wives back in extremely challenging situations, particularly when the wife declares the relationship over, feels hopeless, or even if she’s living with another man. If you’re wondering **how do I communicate better with my wife**, check out the links in the description for some free workshops if you’re interested in more information. But for now, let’s delve straight into the six things you can do right now if your wife wants out and you want to win her back.
Step Number One: Understanding How to Communicate Better with My Wife to Address the Issues
If you want to turn things around, we’ve got to return to the very beginning and understand why she said yes to you in the first place. There are essentially two reasons why she agreed: one, she loved how you made her feel; and two, she saw a future with you as brighter and better than one without you.
Fast forward to today, and she wants out of the relationship. The exact opposite is now true – she dislikes the way you make her feel, and she sees a future without you as better than one with you. Your wife comprehends the damage and pain that leaving will cause, as well as the problems it will bring about. She’s aware of the implications, such as the potential harm to any children involved, the financial issues, the stigma of divorce, and even the psychological damage.
Despite understanding these challenges, she is still choosing to leave, which calls for some hard introspection. For her to choose such a catastrophic outcome over staying with you, it’s evident that she dislikes how she feels within the marriage and perceives the future with you as worse than the future without you. This understanding provides a baseline of where we are within the marriage.
Step number two, which is simply demonstrating kindness.
Many wives I’ve spoken to wish their husbands would show a little more kindness. This small act can make a significant difference.
Step number three calls for gentleness.
Soften your tone, take the harsh edge off the communication, and this will help tremendously.
Step number four is accepting responsibility.
In order to turn things around, it’s essential to acknowledge your part in the situation. While it might be tempting to blame your wife, doing so won’t help you reclaim control over the situation. Accepting responsibility doesn’t mean taking all the blame, but it does involve recognizing your shortcomings within the marriage and taking steps to address them.
Remember, your wife unquestionably also has responsibility for the failure of the marriage, but the key here is to focus on what you can control and change in yourself to improve the relationship.
There’s only one place where we can effectively take action, and that’s within ourselves. If we aim to save our marriage, we must start taking action on ourselves. We need to ensure that we’re not pointing fingers and making accusations for behaviors that we are equally responsible for and engage in regularly.
A lot of men may be tempted to label their wives, saying things like “she’s a narcissist” or similar. However, labels are for tin cans, my friend, and they will not help your situation. If you want to label your wife a narcissist, go ahead. But I’m here to tell you, if you do that, if you think of your wife in those terms, your marriage is over. If that is the story you are creating and telling yourself, making it the problem, go ahead. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I am saying your marriage is over if you choose to do that.
If you want to label people, call them names, make them the perpetrator of the problems within the marriage, and adopt the position of the victim, go ahead. If you want to say you’ve been victimized and your wife is the perpetrator, more power to you. But I’m telling you, if you take that position, your marriage is over, and there’s no hope for you.
We’ve got to change our story about who our wife is and her fundamental motivation for her behavior. It’s not negative. We can’t think of that behavior as negative because, if we do, our marriage is over. We have to see our wives differently, tell ourselves a different story, and behave differently ourselves. This starts with taking responsibility for the marriage and not blaming your wife for its breakdown.
The Fifth step is to adopt an attitude of humility rather than one of superiority, condescension, or finger-pointing.
If there’s no intimacy in your marriage right now, it’s because there’s no humility. Intimacy is a byproduct of humility.
Humility involves taking responsibility for what’s going on. It involves gentleness, kindness, and coming to the table with a different attitude. We teach in our ‘Win Your Wife Back’ program, which has helped hundreds of men, that when your attitude is right, the facts don’t matter.
If you want to cling to facts like, “she is a narcissist,” or “she has done this,” that’s fine. But, if you do, your marriage is over. What I’m saying is, it doesn’t matter what she is or what she’s done. When your attitude is right, the facts don’t matter.
The final step in reconciling your marriage, which again incorporates all of the previous steps, is to get coaching or seek help.
If not from us, then from someone else. We offer programs, but if you don’t have the finances or resources, check out our free resources.
The reason you’re here is that you lack the skills to make the marriage work again. If you just want to blame the fate of the marriage on your wife and say it has nothing to do with you, go ahead. But if you are humble, willing to accept responsibility, change your behaviors, and become kinder within yourself, there’s massive hope for you.
Remember, human behavior is extremely predictable. If people are behaving a certain way, it’s likely because we behaved a certain way towards them. To change their behavior, we have to change ours. Being a victim, blaming, and name-calling won’t get you anything you want. It will only create higher walls and bigger barriers between you and the person you’re trying to reach.
So, if you’re interested in learning more about how we can help, or if you want some free resources.
