Better Marriage

5 Best advice for guys in a relationship

Win Your Wife Back In As Little As 8-Weeks

Discover How To Win Your Wife Back, Even If She Wants Out

Schedule A Free 60 Minute Zoom Session To Learn How We Can Help You Win Your Wife Back

Click Here To Schedule Now

“So, your marriage is in trouble? I’ve got five tips for you today on advice for guys in a relationship and how to turn your marriage around. Hey, Cody here, relationship coach and founder of Better Marriage. Today, I want to talk to you about what to do if your marriage is in dire straits. Your wife has threatened to leave, maybe she’s asked for a divorce. How do you turn that around? I’ve got five ways to do that, so let’s get straight into it.”

Advice for Guys in a Relationship: The First Step is to Accept Your Current Situation and Respond Accordingly

A lot of times, when men join us in our Winning Wife Back program, they’re blaming their wives, saying things like “My wife needs to see this” or “How do I make my wife understand that?” But here’s the reality of the situation: it’s like being called into the office of your employer to be fired because your employer is not happy with your job performance. You wouldn’t go in there and tell your employer that they need to change and start appreciating you more. That’s not going to work, and the same goes for your wife.

If your wife is leaving because she’s not interested in the behavior, lifestyle, or anything else, you can’t just tell her to change. You have to start seeing things from her perspective and act accordingly. If she’s telling you she’s unhappy in the relationship, and you’re telling her that she needs to change, that’s not going to end well. So, you have to start acting from her perspective, not your own.

Tip number two is a big one.

Many relationships fail from erroneous certainty. When we work with men, we see this all the time. They come into the situation with erroneous certainty about what their wife is doing, behaving, or feeling. They’re certain that their wife is having an affair, behaving a certain way because she’s mean or narcissistic, or just wants to do damage. But often, this is erroneous, and when we start to have erroneous certainty, it’s catastrophic to the relationship.

For example, if you’re convinced your wife is having an affair and start treating her like she is, that’s going to be very damaging. Or if you’re convinced your wife is going behind your back and dividing up assets, and you start accusing her of doing so, that’s not going to help the situation. So, it’s important to challenge your erroneous certainty and try to see things from a different perspective.

That’s really important because if she’s telling you she’s unhappy in the relationship and you’re telling her that she needs to change, then that’s just not going to end well for anybody. So, tip number two for you, and this is a really big one, is that many relationships and marriages fail due to erroneous certainty. This is one of the big things that we see when we work with men, as they come into the situation with erroneous certainty. They are certain that their wife is doing this, behaving in that manner, having an affair, being mean, narcissistic, or wanting to cause damage. They are absolutely certain that their wife is, again, filled in the blank. However, nine times out of ten, this is often erroneous. When we start to have erroneous certainty, when we’re absolutely certain of something and that certainty is false, it can be catastrophic for the relationship.

For instance, if you’re absolutely convinced that your wife is having an affair, and you start treating her like she’s having an affair, that’s going to be very damaging. Similarly, if you’re convinced that your wife is secretly dividing up assets and building a legal case to leave you, and she’s not, that’s also very dangerous because it questions who she is as a person. If we accuse our wives of having an affair when they’re not, we’re basically saying that we believe they are the type of person who would have an affair, which can be devastating to the relationship. We also need to be aware of erroneous certainty in other areas, like when we accuse our wives of secretly manipulating finances or talking to various people to get legal advice, which can cause massive problems in the relationship.Top of Form

So, we want to be very aware of erroneous certainty, which can lead us to make mistakes. This brings us to tip number three:

How do we deal with erroneous certainty? One of the principles we live by in the “When Your Wife Back” program is “you never grade your own homework.” Everything gets peer-reviewed. We bring it to our peers for review because quite often, a man will grade his own homework. We will talk about some of the principles that we implement, such as building a base of emotional safety and security, where our wives feel completely safe and free to speak to us about anything at any time. This is one of the main things that we work on. However, a man may say, “I’ve done that. I’ve built that emotional safety and security, and she’s still not responding. Therefore, she is the problem.” There are two things going on here. This is erroneous certainty. This man is absolutely certain that he has done what needs to be done, and the reason he is erroneously certain is that he’s grading his own homework. He’s grading his own assignments and has given himself a 10 out of 10 or an A* grade. He thinks he’s a star student and has done everything flawlessly, when the reality is that he has probably achieved a one or two out of ten. Erroneous certainty can come about very easily from grading your own homework, and this is something that we never want to do. They tell us in school, “You never proofread your own work.” The same is true here.

We never grade our own work. We never assume that we’ve done something, and we never blame our wives for not responding. We want to bring our work to a peer group or somebody who can objectively assess it and say, “Actually, you haven’t done a very good job. Your homework is one or two out of ten, and you think you’re at nine or ten out of ten. There’s a massive gap between where you are and where you think you are, and this is creating erroneous certainty that’s causing damage in the relationship. If we can’t overcome this, our wives may simply leave.

The next step, step number four, in rebuilding a relationship is to understand.

What your wife is saying is often very different from what we think it is. So, a lot of men come to us, schedule a call with me or my team, and they say, ‘My wife has said it’s over. She said she doesn’t want to try. She said she wants a divorce, and there’s no change in her mind. There’s absolute certainty in what she’s saying, and that man has erroneous certainty that the marriage cannot be saved because he doesn’t understand what his wife is saying.’ So, let me explain very quickly what your wife is saying. If she’s saying, ‘I don’t want to try. I’ve had enough. I want a divorce. There’s no point trying,’ what she’s saying is, ‘I do not accept the version of the person that you are right now. I cannot live with this version of the person that you are, and there is no hope in my mind that you can change.

There’s no hope that this situation can get better for me, so, therefore, I’m going to leave.’ She’s making a decision, and she’s saying what she’s saying based on the information that you have presented to her. Now, if you present different information, it is naturally going to induce a different decision. We all do it. If we’re buying a house, for example, and we look at a house and we go, ‘This is it. This is my dream home. 100%, I want this house. I’m buying this house. This is it.’ And then the building report comes back, and you find out that the house has subsidence.

The foundations are completely unstable, and the house costs a million dollars, and it’s going to cost you $500,000 to fix the footings of the house, the foundations. Your situation changes, and your decision changes, and you go from, ‘This is absolutely what I want. 100%, this is my dream house,’ to, ‘I don’t want this house. I’m not going to buy this house.’ But what’s happened? New information has been brought into the decision. We make decisions based on the information that we have at hand, and she’s making her decision right now based on the information that she has. And if you believe her, if you follow that, then you have erroneous certainty that what she’s saying is unchangeable.

Think about this. It’s really hard for most men. It is really hard for the woman to leave, and it’s not hard because she physically can’t do it. It’s hard because she knows that she’s damaging her children’s psychological well-being, she knows that she’s damaging herself, she knows that she’s damaging her finances, she knows that she’s putting herself into a very difficult situation that she really doesn’t want to go into. But here’s the thing, right? You have to understand that you’ve given her two choices: a really crappy life with you or a crappy life without you. And she’s decided that she’s going to choose the crappy life without you.

So, she’s doing that based on the information that she has, and the information that she has is that you have these character traits, you have these habits, you have these issues within the relationship, and she’s asked you to change. She’s giving you every chance to change. She’s given you instruction on how to change. She supported you trying to get you to change. And now, in her mind, she does not believe that you can change, and all hope has left the relationship for you. And she’s basically saying she’s faced with a choice of, ‘This is what I have for the rest of my life.

This is my reality: this guy is never going to change, or I can make a split and try to have something better. So, again, as with the example of the house with subsidence in the footings, the same is true here. If we can add new information to the decision and understand that what she is saying is not final, what she’s saying is final based on the information that we have presented to her, then we can bring about a different decision. Then we can turn that around. And this is why we say in the program, “when your attitude is right, the facts don’t matter.” When your attitude is right, the facts don’t matter. It doesn’t matter that she’s saying she’s leaving. It doesn’t matter that she says this is final. It doesn’t matter that she says she’s not going to change her mind. This is because, in her mind, she has certainty and possibly erroneous certainty that you cannot change. She has certainty, possibly erroneous certainty, that the situation cannot change, and she’s no longer willing to live with this situation. So all we need to do is demonstrate new behavior, and we need to put new input into the relationship to give new information to make a different decision. The situation can actually turn around very quickly.

Step number Five

my last tip for turning a relationship around quickly is to understand why your wife said yes to you in the first place and why she’s saying no to you now. There are only two reasons she said yes to you, and every other reason falls into these two categories. They are a subset of these two categories. The two reasons she said yes to you were: one, she loved the way that she felt around you, and two, she saw a future with you and believed that a future with you was better than a future without you. When you put these two things together, she loves how she feels around you, and she looks at a future with you as being a very good thing, better than a future without you. That’s what she said yes to. Everything else falls into one of those two categories.

Now, she’s leaving, and the exact opposite is true. She hates the way that you make her feel, and she’s looking at a future without you as being a brighter option and a better choice for her than a future with you. Again, everything falls into one of those two categories. It doesn’t matter. People say, “my wife’s doing this,” “my wife’s behaving this way,” “my wife’s got this going on,” blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t matter. Don’t care. It falls into one of those two categories. She doesn’t like the way that she feels around you, she doesn’t like the way you make her feel, and she sees that a future without you now is better than a future with you now.

Once we understand this and take the previous principles that we just talked about, now we have some very targeted areas to go to work on. We have to create an environment where our communication with her feels great. It makes her feel good about herself, it makes her feel comfortable, secure, loved, understood, heard, appreciated, all of these things that a woman craves. And she has to look at you and look at the situation and go, “This man is going somewhere. This man is doing something. This man is creating a future that I want to be a part of.

A lot of the men that we work with got together with their wives at an earlier stage of life, and they were driven, ambitious, and had direction. They had excitement and a vision for their life, and their wives said yes, I like that vision. But here we are, 15-20 years later, the money’s in the bank, the business has been achieved, the goals have been kicked, all of these things have taken place, the investment portfolios, the investment properties. So the man has done everything, and now he’s sat down on the couch, cracked open a beer, got a bag of chips, and he’s pretty content, he’s pretty happy. He’s kicked his goals, he feels secure, he feels safe, he feels significant, and he’s just chilled out. Now he’s kind of checked out a little bit, and the ambition’s gone. Where she needs more than that, she’s not that’s not enough for her. For her, she’s looking at this man, she’s looking at you potentially, going, my job here is just to make him happy, my job here is just to clean up after him, my job here is just to be his maid, his servant, his concubine, whatever it is. There’s no vision, there’s nothing for her to buy into. And it says in the Bible, ‘My people perish for lack of vision.’ It doesn’t say they perish for lack of effort, for lack of resources, for a lack of motivation, none of these things. My people perish for a lack of vision. And the relationship now has a lack of vision, and she’s just seeing that there’s no future here for you or for her. So if she feels very bad about you, and again, a simple test, right? Just think about this consciously. The last 10 communications that I had with my wife, did I make her feel good? Did I make her feel neutral? Did I make her feel bad? I guarantee if the relationship’s breaking down, it’s neutral or bad, probably bad. And I would also be willing to bet that the vision for the relationship is really starting to deteriorate. And these are the things, or some of the things at least, that we really need to start to work on very, very quickly.

As you can see, these things can turn around very quickly when we recognize what the real problems are, when we recognize that she is saying that she wants to leave based on the evidence that you’ve given her and based on her belief in your ability to change, and understanding that these are the core things that are now damaged within the relationship. We can put together a very specific plan to fix this. And as I say, when your attitude is right, the facts really don’t matter. Whatever she’s saying, whatever’s going on, it really doesn’t matter. And you can check out some of the video testimonials on the channel if you want to see some situations turn around from really, really bad. It can happen very, very quickly.

So if you want some help or some more information on how we can help you turn your marriage around and help you implement some of this stuff, check out the link in the description. There’s a page there to schedule a call with us. It’s completely free. We’d love to talk to you about how we can help you turn your marriage around. And that’s it from me. Check out some more videos on this channel. There’s over 100 videos at this point giving you great direction and help on how to turn your marriage around. So that’s it. God bless you, and we’ll talk to you very soon.

Win Your Wife Back In As Little As 8-Weeks

Discover How To Win Your Wife Back, Even If She Wants Out

Schedule A Free 60 Minute Zoom Session To Learn How We Can Help You Win Your Wife Back

Click Here To Schedule Now

Get your first free online consultation

Bibendum neque egestas congue quisque egestas diam. Laoreet id donec ultrices tincidunt arcu non sodales neque