How To Turn Around An Unhappy Marriage — So, you’re unhappy in your marriage, what do you do now? Hey, Cody Butler here, marriage coach and founder of Better Marriage. All the time, I speak with men and couples who say, “I’m unhappy with my marriage, I’m unhappy in general, how do we get out of this funk?” The answer to the question of how to turn around an unhappy marriage is really to start to become self-aware and understand what it is you want from life and what type of personality.
Now, there are two types of people that ask this question. The first type of person that asks this question or the first couple is the person who really isn’t interested in personal growth. They’re not interested in creating a bigger, better future. They’re interested in feeling better right now. It’s almost hedonistic to some extent. They don’t really care about the change that has to take place. They just want to feel better right now, and this is where alcoholism, addiction, and negative habits come from. It’s from an attitude of ‘I want to feel better, but I want to feel better without changing, and I’m looking for a quick fix. And if I can feel better right now, then that’s good enough for me.’ Okay, just give me the magic phrase, give me the sentence, give me the strategy that makes me feel better right now. Effectively, give me the drug that I can take in my marriage that’s going to make us both feel happy in this situation, and then leave me alone. If that’s you, if you can identify with that, then this is not really going to be for you because this video is for the second type of person, and that is the person that wants to feel better by getting better. They understand that they are in the situation that they’re in because, at some level, they are underperforming. They are not living life to the full extent that they can live it in their marriage.
They are underperforming in their health, finances, intimate relationships, communications, and relationship with their kids. They know it, and they don’t just want to feel better about it by taking a drug or a pill, or giving a label to their wife, calling her a narcissist, and blaming her for everything. The type of person being talked about here is someone who raises their hand and says, “I want to feel good by being good. I want to get better by doing better. I want more by becoming more.” They realize that the solution to their lack of happiness and fulfillment is to become a bigger and better person.
The goal of the “Win Your Wife Back” program is to have their wife look at them and say, “I love the man you are becoming. I love the zeal you have for life. I love the enthusiasm you’ve developed. I love the compassion, excitement, energy, vision, and I love you.” This is the key to success and happiness – understanding that one can have more because they can become more. It’s understanding that one’s marriage can get better because they can get better, and it’s not going to happen until they do. If they want more water, they are going to have to get a bigger bucket, and that bucket is themselves. If they want to experience more from life and their bucket is full, they can’t just continue to pour more water into it and expect to have a bigger experience of life. They have to become bigger, better, and stronger, and it starts with the awareness of underperforming and living a life that is beneath them.
Some people are happy where they are and just want the other person to change, and that’s okay, but this is not for them. This is for the person who knows that life has more to offer than they’re getting right now. They know that their marriage has more to offer than they have right now, and the key to that is not to look at their wife and blame her, put labels on the relationship, their children, or society. It’s to own it, stand up, and say, “This stops right here with me.” What they’re talking about here is generational decisions and generational operational destruction. They should not belittle the size of the decision that faces them right now. The decisions they are going to make around themselves, their personal growth, self-awareness, and what steps they’re going to take are going to have generational impact. If they’re watching this video and are this far into it, they’re not in a good situation. They’re not the first generation to experience this. This has been passed on to them, and it has been passed on to others, and this could go generations deep. It’s habitual behavior being passed on, or if we want to look at it differently, it’s a generational curse.
The question to them is, are they going to be the one that breaks this curse? Are they going to be the one that says no more to this generational dysfunctionality and stand up, own it, and do the work? They need to make the change, make the investment into themselves, their kids, their family, and their life. Or, are they just going to kick the can down the road and give it to their kids and say, “Here you go, kids. I hope you deal with it”? This can take many forms, such as drug addiction, alcohol addiction, negative communication, negative attitudes, negative interaction, and all of these things are generational curses.
One of two things is going to happen. You’re going to stand up and break the generational curse and dysfunctionality right now, or you’re going to kick the can down the road and leave it for your children to deal with. Your legacy will be either ending the cycle or perpetuating it. The actions you take now will affect generation after generation, and that is what we aim for at Better Marriage and in the Win Your Wife Back program.
Winning your wife back is not just about getting her back; it’s about breaking the cycle of dysfunctionality and giving your children and future generations better skills. Love languages and conflict negotiation skills are easy to acquire, but addressing generational dysfunctionality requires a bigger picture, outside influence, and help to create a vision that is significantly better than what is manifesting in your life now.
If you’re interested in becoming the man your wife loves, there’s a link in the description that you can check out for free. It doesn’t cost you anything, and if you’re not interested, that’s fine too. God bless you.