Aging couples in today’s society face several hardships – the stress and instability that can come from transitioning into retirement. While many married couples can successfully navigate this life-altering period hand-in-hand, others struggle with handling the new lifestyle changes together.
For those facing difficulties, it is important to know what circumstances could be leading to potential breakdowns after retirement and explore ways that retired couples can work on strengthening their marriage during this transition. We look closer at **why do marriages sometimes break down after retirement?** and offer advice for helping combat conflicts within the relationship.
Retirement and Marriage
When couples retire, they often have a new level of free time. This can be both liberating and daunting – while the couple now has more freedom to travel or spend time together, it can lead to higher stress levels if they have differing views on best using their newfound freedom.
Carving out individual roles and routines for each partner and deciding on a collective plan for how to spend the extra time can help ease tension between the partners.
Factors that Can Contribute to Marital Breakdown after Retirement
Loneliness
Many retirees find themselves with more time on their hands than ever, and this sudden increase in free time can lead to feelings of loneliness or boredom. This newfound solitude could also cause old resentments to resurface, changing the dynamic within the relationship and leading to potential conflicts and discord.
Loss of Purpose
Retirement can also be difficult for couples struggling to adjust to the lack of purpose that comes with no longer having a job. Not only have they lost an important part of their identity, but they may now feel helpless when making decisions or standing up for themselves in the relationship.
Financial Stress
Financial stress is one of the biggest causes of marital breakdown after retirement. The sudden lack of steady income and the increased cost of living can strain even the strongest relationships. Couples may have differing views about how to best manage their finances or need help reconciling different expectations for spending, causing tension between them.
As financial issues become more severe, couples can become overwhelmed and may start to doubt one another’s decisions. In some cases, spouses may even try to hide financial problems from each other, leading to feelings of betrayal and mistrust further down the line.
It is important that retirees openly discuss their financial expectations, make a plan for how they will manage their income during retirement, and be honest with one another.
Changes in Health
Health issues can arise for retirees as they age, and these complications can be hard on a relationship. One spouse may have to take on the role of primary caregiver while managing their health concerns, which can cause resentment or frustration.
Couples must communicate openly about their changing needs and any changes they wish to make in their relationship. They should also make sure to set aside time for themselves as individuals and seek help if they feel overwhelmed or unable to cope.
Retirees should look into resources that provide support for couples who are dealing with health issues. With the help of these services, couples can learn how to manage their health concerns in a way that strengthens rather than weakens their marriage.
Changing Priorities
Retirement can also be difficult for couples no longer share the same priorities and goals. After years of focusing on work and family life, retirees may have different ideas about how they want to spend their time and what they hope to achieve in retirement.
Couples must talk openly about their changing priorities and how they can work together as a team to meet each other’s individual needs. Couples should also consider creating a list of shared activities to bring them closer together and foster a more meaningful relationship. This could include starting a new hobby, planning regular date nights, or taking trips together. By staying true to their individual goals while working together, couples can ensure that both partners feel heard and appreciated, even amid retirement.
Lack of Intimacy
Retirement can also bring about changes in intimacy between couples. Couples who have been married for many years may find that their sex life has become stagnant or non-existent due to the increased pressures and stressors of the transition. Couples must stay connected and make time for physical contact, even through gentle touching or hugs.
It is important to maintain an open dialogue about intimacy and discuss any expectations or worries that either partner may have. Acknowledge that the transition into retirement will likely bring unexpected challenges, but also emphasize how important it is to stay connected on an intimate level.
Unmet Expectations
Couples may also face unmet expectations after retirement, as they finally have more time to focus on their relationship and each other. Suppose one spouse has been hoping for more attention, intimacy, or quality time with their partner but is met with indifference or apathy. In that case, it may be difficult for the relationship to continue smoothly. Couples must communicate their expectations and try to meet each other’s needs.
Changes in Roles
Retirement can also change marital roles, as couples no longer have to divide traditional responsibilities such as work and childcare. Some couples may struggle with these role changes, especially if one spouse has been accustomed to taking on more of the burden in the relationship. Couples must discuss how they wish to share tasks and duties after retirement and try to maintain a healthy balance of power in their relationship.
How long does it take to feel ‘settled’ into retirement?
This is a difficult question since each couple’s retirement experience is unique. Many retirees report feeling ‘settled’ into their new life within the first few months of retirement, while others may take longer to feel comfortable. Couples must look for warning signs such as resentment or boredom and be willing to make changes if needed.
Retirees should also take time to do something that sparks joy. Taking up a new hobby or exploring different areas of interest can help retirees feel more energized and settled into retirement life. Additionally, couples should maintain an open dialogue about their thoughts, feelings, and expectations for the future.
FAQS
Do couples fight more after retirement?
It is not uncommon for couples to fight more after retirement due to the changes in lifestyle and schedule. If couples feel overwhelmed or frustrated, they must communicate openly about their needs and expectations while maintaining a healthy balance of power in the relationship.
What is the leading reason why marriages end?
The leading reason marriages end is a lack of communication and an inability to compromise. Couples must be willing to listen to each other’s needs, express their feelings openly, and make compromises if needed.
Who leaves marriages the most?
Research has shown that women are more likely to leave marriages than men. This may be because women are often less financially stable and more vulnerable in relationships.
Conclusion
After reviewing the various reasons marriages can break down, it is clear that retirement can put unique stress on relationships. Whether it is a shift in roles and expectations from one another or the lack of working to keep life interesting, the transition from working to retirement can strain a marriage in many ways. To ensure that couples stay together after retirement, it is important to take the time to have an open dialogue about expectations and needs. Having these conversations early in the process of retiring will make sure couples are prepared for what’s ahead and can adjust their relationship accordingly.
