Are you concerned that your spouse may be too controlling? **What Are The Signs Of A Controlling Spouse?** While every relationship is different and some level of control by a partner in a marriage is normal, it’s important to know the signs of an unhealthy controlling dynamic.
We will explore what constitutes an unhealthy level of control and discuss five common warning signs that could indicate you are in a toxic or abusive relationship with your spouse. If any of these sound familiar, understand there are resources available to help set appropriate boundaries within the marriage and gain more emotional security.
What is a Controlling Spouse
Controlling behavior in marriage can be expressed through verbal, psychological, or physical abuse. It is a form of manipulation intended to create fear and anxiety in the other partner so they will do what their controlling spouse wants.
A controlling partner may isolate their spouse from family and friends, limit where they go, or interfere with job opportunities to gain power and control. They may make decisions for their spouse, belittle them in public or private settings, and use fear tactics like threats or humiliation.
Signs Of A Controlling Spouse?
Jealousy and Possessiveness
A controlling spouse may become jealous of their partner’s friendships, social activities, or career successes. They may try to keep track of where their partner goes and who they interact with or accuse them of having affairs when there is no evidence.
Frequent Arguments
A controlling spouse may pick fights or argue frequently and aggressively. They may be very critical of their partner’s words and behaviors, make unfair accusations, or become angry when their partner expresses disagreement.
Manipulation Tactics
Controlling spouses often use manipulative tactics to get what they want. Manipulation Tactics can range from guilt-tripping their partners to outright lying to them. They may also use emotional blackmail and threaten to withhold love or other forms of physical contact if their partner fails to comply with their demands.
Withholding Resources
A controlling spouse might try to limit access to money or other resources, such as car keys or credit cards. This can leave their partner powerless and dependent upon them for basic needs like food, clothing, and transportation.
Monitoring Social Media
Controlling spouses may also monitor their partner’s social media accounts or try to control the content they post. They might demand passwords or insist on reviewing text messages and emails. This behavior can make it difficult for their partner to maintain healthy relationships with family and friends.
Isolating you from friends and family
A controlling spouse may try to keep their partner away from family and friends or insist they always be together. They might comment negatively about their partner’s loved ones to drive a wedge between them. By isolating their partner, the controlling spouse can more easily exert power and influence over them.
Chronic criticism—even for small things
A controlling spouse may criticize everything from their partner’s choice of clothes to how they spend money. No matter how small or insignificant the issue, it will be scrutinized and criticized to make their partner feel inadequate. This can create a negative self-image and sense of worthlessness over time.
Veiled or overt threats against you or them
Controlling spouses may make veiled threats, such as implanting their partner will suffer consequences if they don’t comply with their demands. They may also threaten physical harm or use intimidating body language to intimidate and control their partners.
Making acceptance/caring/attraction conditional
A controlling spouse may make it clear that their love and acceptance of their partner is conditional upon them following certain rules. They may also withdraw affection or intimacy as punishment if their partner fails to comply with their demands.
An overactive scorecard
To maintain control, a controlling spouse may also keep track of their partner’s mistakes or misbehavior. This kind of “scorekeeping” can make the partner feel like they are always wrong and will never measure up to the expectations of their spouse.
Using guilt as a tool
Controlling spouses may use guilt to manipulate their partner into complying with their wishes. They may comment, “If you loved me, you would or “You owe me this because ” to pressure them and force them into compliance.
Creating a debt, accountable you’re beholden to
Controlling spouses may also create a sense of debt or obligation to them through gifts, favors, or other kinds of help. This can make their partner feel like they owe something and are accountable to the controlling spouse for providing it.
Spying, snooping, or requiring constant disclosure
Controlling spouses may constantly ask for details about their partner’s activities or whereabouts and demands in an attempt to control them. This behavior is a clear sign of disrespect and can damage the relationship.
Controlling your communication
Controlling spouses may try to control how their partner communicates with others by limiting access to phones or computers, monitoring social media accounts, blocking calls or emails, or refusing to answer questions. Controlling your communication can be very isolating and damaging for the partner in the relationship.
Not respecting your need for time alone
A controlling spouse may also regularly invade their partner’s personal space and prevent them from having time alone. This behavior can suffocate and make it difficult for the partner to maintain a sense of autonomy.
Unreasonable demands
Controlling spouses often set unrealistic expectations that their partners must meet for approval. They may make difficult demands on their partner’s time, energy, or money, leaving them feeling like they can never do enough.
These are just a few of the signs of a controlling spouse. If any of these behaviors characterize your relationship, it may be time to seek help from a professional counselor or therapist. A trusted friend or family member may also be able to provide support and guidance. It is important to remember that you are not powerless in this situation.
FAQS
What is the root of control issues?
The root of control issues is often a lack of self-esteem, insecurity, or fear. Controlling behavior is a way to protect oneself from feeling vulnerable and at risk. It can also be the result of past trauma or negative experiences.
How do I deal with a controlling spouse?
It is important to remember that you are not powerless in this situation. It’s important to remember that your feelings matter, and you have the right to be respected by your spouse. Talk openly about what is happening with a trusted family member or friend and seek professional help if necessary. You can also set boundaries, communicate your needs, and assert yourself when necessary.
What type of people are controlling?
Controlling behavior can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. However, people in previous abusive relationships are more likely to exhibit controlling behaviors in their current relationships. It is also common for someone with low self-esteem to become controlling to protect themselves and feel safe.
Conclusion
To summarize, a controlling spouse can present themselves in many different ways. They may be physically or verbally abusive, jealous, overbearing, or overly protective. More subtle signs include attempts to isolate you from family and friends, attempting to control your decisions, or having an excessive need to always be right. If you exhibit any of these signs in a relationship, consider seeking professional help. Communication is key; talking openly and honestly about issues can help resolve them and build trust within the relationship. Understanding these signs of a controlling spouse is just one piece of the puzzle regarding keeping a healthy relationship; it does not address other issues, such as emotional neglect or financial abuse, which require further consideration.
