In love but the relationship not working? Your wife has had enough; she wants out. She’s leaving, and she doesn’t want to be a part of the marriage anymore. How do you turn it around? Hey, Cody Butler here, marriage coach, and founder of Better Marriage. Today, I want to talk to you about some simple steps and a change in philosophy that will most certainly win your wife back if you can grasp and implement them.
Feeling In Love but Relationship Not Working: Steps to Save Your Marriage
So, what is it? Your wife’s leaving, how do you turn it around? Well, it’s very simple – you set a goal. It’s a very lofty and high goal – to hear the words come out of your wife’s mouth that “I love the man you are becoming.” That is how you win your wife back. Now, there are a hundred steps below that, and most traditional therapy, psychology, and coaching programs are very segmented into those steps. They teach you how to have a conversation, an argument, how to listen to your wife, uncover her love language, and so on. These are all subheadings and sub-goals under the big goal of “I love the man that you’re becoming.”
If your wife is leaving right now, it’s because, in her mind or even vocally, she is saying, “I don’t like the man that you’ve become. I loved the man that I married, but you are somebody else, and I don’t love the man that you’ve become.” Fundamentally, this is what she’s telling herself if she’s not telling you out loud. The antidote to that, the solution to that, is to have her say the words, “I love the man that you’re becoming.” Now, how do you do that? How do you become that man? It’s very easy to say that, right? That is what we cover in the “Win Your Wife Back” program. The ultimate goal is to hear from your wife the words, “I love the man that you’re becoming.”
The way that you do that is you have to first determine who is that man that my wife would say that to? Because that’s who she’s looking for right now. She’s looking for that man, and that is why she’s leaving the relationship or disengaging from it because she’s not seeing that in you. So, step number one is we have to uncover who that man is. Who would your wife say, “I love the man you’re becoming”? What would you have to do? How would you have to behave? What would you have to embody, embrace, and become? What vision for life would you have to have? How would you have to act towards her? What kind of compassion would you have to have towards less fortunate elements of society? What engagement would you have in charitable causes? How would you be growing and developing yourself?
These are questions that you can ask yourself that, if you can answer them thoroughly and effectively, give us the roadmap to answering the question, “What do I have to do to win back my estranged wife?” This is why it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution for everybody. It’s not a script that you can say or a text message that you can send or something that you can do like taking her out to dinner or for a pony ride. These are all strategies that you’re going to hear in a lot of videos like this, but they’re not the solution.
The question is to focus and really identify who do you have to become for her to look at you and go, “Wow!” For her to look at you and get weak at the knees. For her to look at you and go, “I have to have this man.
I have to be honest with you, brother. I have to be with this man because right now, your wife is seeing the exact opposite of what you’re portraying. Allowing you to stay in your own sense of illusion, thinking that I’m good enough, I’m the man she needs, or I’m the man I need to be for her, is not going to win your wife back. Thinking that your wife needs to change, to overcome her shortfalls and problems is not a strategy to win her back if she’s leaving the relationship, disengaged or checked out.
If you’re pointing out her flaws and undermining her, making her feel bad about herself and telling her she needs to change, there’s nothing right with that. This is not the man she’s going to look at and say, “I love the man you’re becoming.” Instead, it’s the man she’s going to look at and say, “I don’t like this man; I don’t want to be with him.”
The reality is that I work with many men who, after talking with them for a few minutes, shift from blaming their wives for everything to start to open up to the sense of self-awareness. They can look at themselves and say, “I’m really a very difficult man to live with, aren’t I?” This is a point of celebration because when you can do this, you’re growing yourself, becoming bigger, better, stronger, and more self-aware.
If you want your wife to love you more, to come back, to re-engage with you, and look at you with just weak knees, saying, “Wow, this is a real man right here,” then the solution is self-development, self-awareness, and growing yourself. It’s about developing more passion, energy, zeal, and an attitude that is just contagious.
If you’re in a depressed, down, or low-energy state, with a shrinking vision, decreasing energy, or decreasing zeal, these are all elements that are not going to attract anything. It’s quite hard, if not impossible, to do it by yourself. This is where the win your wife back program comes in, but we’re not going to talk about that now.
The whole ethos, mantra, and practical steps that you need to take are all about identifying the man you would have to be for your wife to look at you and say, “I love the man you’re becoming.” You’re not going to blame your wife for the failure of your marriage; you’re going to lead yourself first and foremost to a better place.
Then, your wife is going to want to follow you there because she can see that you’re living a better quality of life. If you’re watching this video, I can guarantee you that you’re not living a good life, and she’s not living a good life either. She’s saying, “I know there’s more to life than this. I know there’s more out there, and I still have a chance to experience it. I have to separate from you.
I have to be honest with you, brother. I feel the need to be straightforward with you because your wife is seeing the exact opposite of what you are doing right now. Allowing you to stay in your own sense of illusion, thinking that you are good enough, is not going to win your wife back. Moreover, thinking that your wife needs to change, overcome her problems and shortcomings is not going to help you either.
If your wife is leaving the relationship, disengaged, or checked out, pointing out her flaws, undermining her, making her feel bad about herself, and telling her that she needs to change will not work. This is not the man that she will look at and say, “I love the man that you’ll be coming.” Instead, she will look at you and say, “I don’t like this man, I don’t want to be with this man.” This is the reality of the situation.
I work with a lot of men, and after talking to them for just a few minutes, they shift from blaming their wives to start to open up to self-awareness. They can look at themselves and say, “I’m really a very difficult man to live with, aren’t I?” This is a point of celebration when you can do this. You have the self-awareness to understand that you are not the man that she needs right now.
If you want more water, you have to get a bigger bucket. You cannot go to the world with a bucket that’s completely full of water and say, “I need more water.” You are the bucket in your relationship, and the amount of life that you’re experiencing is the water in that bucket. If you want your wife to love you more, if you want her to come back, if you want her to re-engage and look at you with weak knees, the solution is self-development.
Self-development is about becoming bigger, better, stronger, and more self-aware. It’s about developing more passion for life, more energy, and more zeal. It’s about developing an attitude that is just contagious. It’s quite hard, if not impossible, to do it by yourself, and this is where the win your wife back program comes in. There are links in the description if you’re interested in finding out more about that.
The whole ethos of the program is identifying the man that you would have to be for your wife to look at you and say, “I love the man that you’ll be coming.” We’re not blaming anyone or anything for the failure of the marriage. We’re taking responsibility and leading ourselves to a better place. Our wives will want to follow us there because they can see that we are living a better quality of life.
A good life, whereas I can guarantee you right now, brother, if you’re watching this video, you’re not living a good life, and she’s not living a good life. She’s saying, “I know there’s more to life than this, I know there’s more out there, and I still have a chance of experiencing it. I have to separate from you to go experience this better life.” If you want her to stick around, show her that better life, and that starts by you, brother, becoming a better man, a bigger man, a stronger man, a more self-aware man. And some people are going to find this very difficult to hear. This message is not for you. This is for people who can recognize and go, “Absolutely, I recognize that I have allowed myself to disintegrate into a state that I’m not proud of, that I know could be better. And I know within myself that there’s more to life than what I’m experiencing. I know in myself that I have more to give than I’m giving right now. I know in myself that I am underperforming, and that stops right here, right now, today. That starts with me. I’m stepping up, I’m taking the lead, and I’m leading myself and my family to a better place, to higher ground.” If that’s you, brother, this is for you. There’s a link in the description. Check out our “Win Your Wife Back” program. If that’s not you, God bless you, and I’ll talk to you.”
The passage seems to be a transcript of a spoken message, so there are some informal language and incomplete sentences. Here are the corrected sentences:
“A good life. I can guarantee you, right now, brother, that if you’re watching this video, you’re not living a good life, and neither is she. She’s saying, “I know there’s more to life than this. I know there’s more out there, and I still have a chance of experiencing it. I have to separate from you to go experience this better life.” If you want her to stick around, show her that better life. And that starts with you, brother. Become a better man, a bigger man, a stronger man, a more self-aware man. Some people will find this message difficult to hear. This message is not for them. It’s for people who can recognize and say, “Absolutely, I recognize that I have allowed myself to disintegrate into a state that I’m not proud of, that I know could be better. I know within myself that there’s more to life than what I’m experiencing. I know in myself that I have more to give than I’m giving right now. I know in myself that I am underperforming, and that stops right here, right now, today. That starts with me. I’m stepping up, taking the lead, and leading myself and my family to a better place, to higher ground.” If that’s you, brother, this is for you. There’s a link in the description. Check out our “Win Your Wife Back” program. If that’s not you, God bless you, and I’ll talk to you.